


The New Years When...

by Tabithacraft



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Childhood Friends, Clexa, Clexa christmas, Doctor Clarke, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Lexa Lives, Med Student Clarke, New Year's Eve, New Years, POV Clarke, clexa holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 09:36:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13232991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabithacraft/pseuds/Tabithacraft
Summary: Clarke and Lexa finally get together over Christmas, eight years after the end of high school. Lexa wants them to date before lots of sex, based on a request from Clarke. Clarke thinks she must have been crazy to make such a suggestion and endeavours to move things on...





	The New Years When...

**Author's Note:**

> Another little fic that extends The Christmas When... http://archiveofourown.org/works/13172205 for my lovely girl.
> 
> This is supposed to be easy and fluffy with a touch of silly. 
> 
> I hope all are okay and a happy 2018 to everyone.
> 
> Formatting fixed:) Thanks to starchasm

It was busy at the ice rink, too many people skating far faster than Clarke could normally tolerate – excessive crowds of people were so not her thing. She hadn’t been skating since she was a kid and normally she still wouldn’t be there, but it was so much fun to skate at speed around the rink, dodging kids clutching at the penguin stands with her hand being held by Lexa. The fact that Lexa was always up for doing things, not just eating or movie watching was one of the reasons Clarke had always adored her. It wasn’t that Lexa couldn’t snuggle under blankets and movie watch, or play cards for hours, it was that she could do all that after a hike, or climbing, or ice skating. There was no suggestion that could draw ire from the girl clutching her hand.

“You know Woods, you surprise me,” Clarke looked at Lexa as they skated around the rink. She looked utterly gorgeous, but then again the girl could pull off utterly gorgeous in a bin bag. She squeezed her hand. She’d rather be squeezing her butt, or pretty much all bits of her, but as they were skating around on ice, hand it was. 

“Now how exactly have I surprised you?” Lexa turned to look at her with a chuckle, green eyes sparkling under long lashes. Lexa’s eyes had always stunned Clarke in their beauty, but now they looked at her with such open adoration that Clarke was frequently lost in them. She fell into green and was only broken from her stance when a woman shouted out a warning. She quickly turned her attention back to the rink in time to skate around the edge of a kid using a penguin for balance. She could hear Lexa laughing her ass off as she felt her cheeks burn.

Let’s try and keep the small children safe Griffin,” Lexa grinned. “Now how have I surprised you?” she raised their joined hands to her lips and kissed her hand.

“You’re kind of a romantic,” Clarke admitted, pleased with Lexa’s expression of joy. She looked thrilled with the compliment.

“Well, it’s easy to be a romantic with you. I’ve had a lot, and I mean a lot, of time to think up things I’d like to do with you.”

“Care to share any of these fantasies,” Clarke had a few of her own so it wasn’t exactly hard to imagine. And the rumor around town was that Lexa was extremely good with woman and all of Clarke’s experience thus far with the girl beside her had validated the rumor. Everything she did turned her on or turned her gooey inside, or made her mad which was a clear precursor to the turned on and gooey, and if she’d spent some time getting creative - well she was hoping she’d share.

”They are fantasies,” Lexa admitted and even her saying just that, her voice at a low timbre, well she was embarrassed to feel wetness between her legs. Lexa was too damn sexy. Raven’s theory was that the years of built up sexual tension were just exploding but as far as Clarke was concerned it was something more. Knowing that Lexa could make her come in less than a minute should she so desire, well that just made her irresistible. Knowing that and knowing how much she loved her? Well that was irresistible and then some. It was absolutely necessary that she move to New York, Clarke was pretty certain she wouldn’t cope with any kind of distance between them at all. Lexa skated them to the edge of the rink, pressing her back against the edge, her hands diving inside Clarke's open jacket. She gasped as strong thumbs smoothed over the swell of her chest. Oh wow, but she was in trouble. She’d never been thrilled with PDA's but when Lexa was around she didn’t seem to have much choice. It was absolutely impossible to stay away from her, to keep any amount of respectable distance. 

“I have fantasies of doing bad, bad things with you Clarke. Things to make you blush and squirm and feel oh so good,” Lexa nipped at the lobe of her ear and desire surged through her body. She arched herself against her, desperate for a little friction. Heeding her need Lexa pressed against her more firmly. “I’ve dreamt up ways to touch you, and have you,” she pressed against her again. Her mind went into overdrive. They’d had sex, but not all the sex. Clarke knew she was still getting used to sex not being just a penis in a vagina, and honestly the “non-sex” they’d had was better than all the sex she’d had prior to Lexa. But Lexa was holding back. She hadn’t put fingers inside of her, or put her mouth on her, and Clarke hadn’t done that either. And the more time that passed without Lexa’s mouth, the more Clarke longed for it – obsessively. But Lexa had apparently taken her request to heart that they date a bit, and while she was seriously good at making her feel seriously good, Lexa had kept it to one way, one extremely good and very effective way. Clarke wasn’t surprised to discover that she liked touching Lexa, that she really liked turning her on, and she really loved to make her come. “But you want to know something?” she looked at her with those beautiful, beautiful eyes of her.

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“I’ve fantasized about the simple stuff too you know. Just kissing you, taking you for dinner, watching a movie, doing all the stuff we did as friends but with you as my girlfriend because I get to have you in my arms. I’ve even fantasized about washing up with you.”

“You have washed up with me,” she laughed. Lexa really was the sweetest and sexiest woman in the world. 

“Well not in quite the way my fantasy had it, okay.”

“Oh, I’ll bet,” she grinned. She found a dozen images flash through her head including Lexa's mouth on hers, or her stood behind her, in fact naked washing up. Oh, she could get behind naked washing up. Wow, but her mind was just full of naked Lexa these days, and usually the thought of her doing delectable things to her. “So, what’s your top fantasy at the moment?” she asked, finding it unbelievably cute when Lexa blushed. 

“Well... I thought I might cook for you,” she began. Clarke smiled, that would be nice and tasty - Lexa really could cook. “And you know we could talk, because I need my time with you, always have, always will.”

“I feel like this fantasy is about to take a turn,” she leant forward to kiss her quickly then backed away and looked at her expectantly.

“Then I kind of thought I might show you my uniform...”

“Oh, I’d love that,” she interrupted and then flushed at her eagerness. The truth was she was dying to see Lexa in her uniform. She was hot at the best of times but the thought of her dressed in her firefighter’s uniform soaked her panties.

“Well...that can be arranged, but you see then, well after that I’d like to see you in my uniform and well, very little else.”

“Lexa,” she moaned softly, surprised at the buildup of feelings between her legs. She was pressed against her and every movement was electrifying and then with the talk, she truly thought she might come. “What would you do?”

“That particular fantasy is all about what you’d do,” Lexa moved a hand between their bodies and rubbed her clit through her jeans. It was a totally subtle movement, her longish coat hiding their bodies.

“Fuck,” she stated into her ear, her breathing erratic. Why had she waited so damn long to make a move, she’d known she wanted her for so long. Lexa was amazing, truly amazing. <em>Oh god</em>, she was going to come. On a public ice rink in front of tons of other people, Lexa was going to make her come. She groaned again.

“I want you so bad Clarke,” Lexa whispered and oh god but her need had a good effect on the growing intensity of feeling. “I think about you all the time and I just want you,” she ground her hand against her, her fingers pressing, moving and flicking in just the right way. And she came, she fucking came, her cry into the shoulder of Lexa’s coat.

“Can’t we go home?” she breathed, “please. I really, really want you too...” 

“Nah Griffin. I love you. I have to woo you,” Lexa insisted, voice soft and intimate. Clarke realized the girl was actually holding her up, that her own damn legs were jelly. She loved it when she said she loved her, it made her feel warm inside and right now, despite the cold of the ice rink, she was scorching.

“So please can we go out tomorrow?” she gave her beautiful girl an innocent grin. 

“You trying to rush through dates?” Lexa asked with a stern expression. Clarke found her hand go instinctively to Lexa’s soft cheek. 

“You know there is such a thing as pillow talk,” she promised, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

“Can’t get out of dating me that easily Clarke. I’ve wanted this for a _long_ time and I will not be cheated out of dinner and a movie, bowling, and cooking for you. And unfortunately I am working tomorrow. I have the late shift.”

“So, we could go for breakfast?” she suggested coyly. “Or I could just stay over and you could cook me breakfast?” She must sound desperate, she knew that but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to be with her all the time. When her feelings for Lexa had changed was hard to pinpoint because their friendship had always had something to it that her friendships with others hadn’t. She and Raven were arguably as close and yet it wasn’t the same. She’d always longed for Lexa. It hadn’t been hard to stay in touch when they were best friends. Besides which Lexa always made the effort, and Clarke, no matter how busy, or how many new friends, wanted to share everything with Lexa. Lexa had been her go to for such a long time – for analyzing a romantic interest, for debriefing an embarrassment, for crying over a bad exam, or for talking about missing her father. How that level of friendship changed from platonic to love was subtle, and funnily enough she thought it was her emails. She fell in love with her long time best friend, online. How crazy. But she made her laugh and she made her feel good about her self. She put her first, always. She was sexy, caring, kind, and funny - what was not to love. But it was more. She wasn’t just all those things, she was something extra. Lexa’s own insecurities just made her understand hers all the more. She understood her and she loved her, flaws and all.

“Hmmm, you know I’m a weak woman Clarke. I can’t say no if you want to stay over, not when I want you there so badly, but no funny business,” she stated and Clarke knew her face just fell. She chuckled, “well lots of funny business but no sex, well no more than what we’ve done and yeah I’ll cook you breakfast.”

“I like the sound of that,” she kissed her nose.

“The funny business or the breakfast?” Lexa teased, eyes bright.

“Both,” she said and then flushed red when she thought of both together.

“Now what naughty thought just popped into your head?” Lexa whispered in her ear. 

“Mmmm,” Clarke smiled as she shared, “it was a good thought. You’re not the only one with fantasies.”

“I should hope not,” she kissed her. Kissing Lexa felt so good, so god damned good.

“Let’s go get some food Lex, I’m hungry and strangely tired,” she smirked. 

“Oh, I’ll bet you are,” Lexa laughed and retook her hand as they skated off the ice.

***

Lexa was looking at her kind of seriously as they sat in the bar the following evening. They’d had a few drinks, played some pool and had been laughing a lot, as they chatted and teased, when suddenly she’d turned serious. It was funny, the Clarke of years gone by wouldn’t have thought she could have fun in a bar, then it had been all the wrong kinds of fun, but Lexa made it feel good. They’d even managed a dance - well more swaying to music while pressed as close as humanly possible.

“What’s up? You’ve gone all serious?” she frowned.

“I was thinking about New York, me there at the fire station and hopefully you there for residency.”

“Ok,” she smiled, “that’s not bad is it?”

“Not bad at all. Great actually - you know that. You also know I love you?” She nodded “and you’re truly, madly, deeply in more than like with me?” she looked at her and it was obvious she was nervous.

“Yeah...I love you Lexa,” she told her and actually having said it aloud she realized that saying it wasn’t nearly as scary as she thought it would be, especially not when she rewarded her with a huge grin.

“Well, I’d love it if we were going to live together,” Lexa said the words hurriedly, not confident and cocky like she could be, before she slumped back in her chair, their fingers still entwined but her eyes averted. It wasn’t an invitation, she didn’t think that, more a statement of desire, or intent. But still. Live with Lexa? Well it didn’t sound like a bad idea, but what about dating? Surely they ought to date first. It would be exciting have Lexa turn up to take her out. Getting ready without her there. She was kind of looking forward to all that. But to live with Lexa? That woman across the table from her? The only person to ever affect her so much in every way? There had to be a solution.

“No,” she burst out and shook her head, hating the slump in Lexa’s demeanor but she straightened up pretty quick.

“That’s fine, it was just an idea,” Lexa said softly, uncertainly. “I mean...”

“No, I mean, yes but maybe not yet. I do want to date you first Lex. I want to get ready for dates with you without you there, you know choose clothes I think you’ll like, put on a bit of make-up, surprise you. I want to switch it up - stay at your place, then mine. I want to have you turn up at my door when I least expect it. Then I want to live with you. God, do you have any idea how hard it is to say no? How much I want to say yes?” 

“Hopefully it’s really hard and you desperately want to say yes,” Lexa smiled then, genuine but a little cautious.

“Yep,” she nodded. “I just...” she trailed off inwardly cursing Lexi’s ability to make her say just what she was thinking. And Clarke knew exactly why they had to date. They had to date because she planned on Lexa being her last girlfriend.

“It feels like you have more to say,” Lexa said it gently, her thumb smoothing over the skin on her hand.

“You’ll think I’m crazy,” she shook her head.

“Nothing would make me think that, come on Clarke, this is me, the girl who’s loved you your whole life one way or another.”

“You have not,” she admonished, blushing all the same and unable to hide her smile.

“You’ve always been my best friend. More than that, and that counts for something,” oh she was charming she’d give her that.

“You hated me for being with Bellamy,” she chided.

“I hated that Bellamy had you. Oh, he used to drive me crazy with her whole want you, doesn’t want you business. I mean look at you! Talk to you! He’s such a fool. Everything about you makes you the best person to be around.”

“You know I think you’re crazy,” Clarke leant across the table and kissed her.

“Crazy for you. Crazy in love with you,” Lexa clarified with a shrug.

“It would be really great to live together in New York,” crazy or not she loved her.

“So why say no?” she pleaded and encouraged, “we could have so much fun, so much sex,” she gave her a waggle of her eyebrows and Clarke giggled.

“Ok, ok, I’ll embarrass myself,” she was already blushing, she could tell. Damn Lexa and her persuasiveness.

“I’m listening,” she leant toward her.

“I want to date you without living with you because, well because I hope that I never have to date anyone else again, and if that’s the case, well I want my last experience of dating to be as good as it promises to be with you,” she trailed off flushing and Lexa sat back letting out a long, low whistle.

“I don’t plan on dating ever again either so I think you make an excellent point. I plan for you to be my last girlfriend.” Hah, Lexa said it, the phrase she’d been thinking. “We’re on the same page here Clarke,” she reassured. “Don’t ever doubt that. When it comes to you and I, never be insecure. I’ll always want to talk to you even when I’m in a bad mood, I’ll always want to see you, even when I say I don’t, and I’ll always want you, you know physically. I joked about it before but really I am ass backward in love with you and have been for years. Anything you can and do say that leads me to believe you feel the same, well I consider it extremely good news.”

“Your last girlfriend, huh?” she smirked. Well she was fun to tease, what was a girl supposed to do. She’d have made fun of her.

“Now don’t go teasing me,” there was a pout on beautiful lips.

“But then where would we be? I was born to tease you.”

“You can be my last girlfriend sooner than you think,” she hinted.

“Actually I have it on pretty good authority that that’s just not going to happen.”

“You’re hard work,” Lexa grumbled but held her hand a little tighter.

“Actually we went over this at the ice rink the other day, I’m easy when it comes to you.” 

“Clarke,” she groaned and she adored the look in her eyes, liquid desire, her gaze boring into her.

“You’re the one that says we have to date before we can be...you know, be ever more intimate.”

“Actually you said we have to date,” Lexa countered and she cursed herself again.

“It seemed like the proper thing at the time.”

“The _proper_ thing?” she teased.

“Yeah, you know, not to jump into bed with you immediately.”

“You kind of did jump into bed with me,” Lexa grinned and she laughed.

“Actually we fell and that’s moot, I mean sex, not bed.”

“Well I happen to agree with you, or the you of five days ago. I think we should wait.”

“Lexa Woods, friend to women, wants to wait to have sex with a girl who’s both willing and able, in love with her, and um her girlfriend?” she giggled surprising herself.

“Yeah I think we should,” wide eyes were staring at her in that way, the one that made her weak at the knees and the need to tell her yet again that she loved her bubble up.

“Why?”

“Because, like you said, it’s proper,” she said with a shrug, “and I plan on doing this properly. I’m so relieved there is a this, so happy, I’m not fucking up. No,” she shook her head so determinedly.

“I love you,” Clarke said and then smiled, “and I’m not a person that says that a lot, or well really ever, so just know it’s true and when you know best, don’t give in, but also, please don’t make me wait too long.”

“You know if we’d dated back in high school I bet you’d have made me wait months.”

“Trust me, with the skill of your fingers,” she flushed, “not a chance.”

”You were different back then,” Lexa argued, “less sure of how gorgeous you are.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, even if what Lexa said was true. Now she was very sure of herself. “Ok so I’d have made you wait, but trust me we’d have done it all in the end.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t have regretted it though. You and Bellamy were mighty entwined back then.”

“No I don’t think so. I really don’t. Things with Bellamy were easy and familiar and the sex wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t special, it didn’t make my stomach squirm, and it wasn’t like everything inside of me longed for him, the way its always longed for you, even when we were just friends.”

“So you wouldn’t have felt guilty? Like you were going to upset him irrevocably? You think you’d have been ready for loving a woman?” Lexa prodded and she felt irritated. What was Lexa’s glitch with Bellamy the whole time?

“I may have felt guilty, but not because of why you seem to think,” she growled.

“And what do I think?” she was staring at her hard.

“Firstly, this conversation is absurd because none of it happened and I didn’t lose my virginity to you or Bellamy, rather some other idiot I refer to in my head as Jerk Off, that got me drunk. That said, I think you believe I’d have felt guilty because I always assumed Bellamy would be my first and he assumed the same.” 

“I remember that fucking guy,” Lexa looked angry. 

“One argument at a time Lex,” she glared at her.

“Fine, so you’re saying that’s not true?”

“It doesn’t matter what I assumed at thirteen or even fifteen. If I’d lost my virginity with you, it would have been because I wanted to and make no mistake. I’d have felt guilty for breaking Bellamy’s heart, yeah, especially the seventeen-year-old me, but I doubt I would have regretted it for a second. And I don’t know about the woman loving stuff. I wasn’t out and proud from the second adolescence hit, unlike you, but I have always been open to the idea because my best friend is a lesbian.”

“So, we can conclude I’m an ass,” Lexa stated, biting her bottom lip adorably and Clarke laughed despite the tendrils of frustration she still felt.

“Yes, we can. Let Bellamy go Lex. It’s nothing. I bet you convinced yourself of that over the last year at least when you were building up the courage to not quite kiss me...”

“Harsh Griffin.”

“Well it’s true. Bellamy and I are old friends, and really that’s it.”

“Ok, I’m sorry, I’ll do better about not being jealous – I don’t like upsetting you,” she stated and squeezed her hand. Her heart contracted - the girl could actually apologize – that seemed unbelievably rare given her past dating history.

“It’s ok,” she said.

“Now about some idiot getting you drunk?” Lexa scowled and her heart sank.

“We were dating, and he just assumed I was more experienced than I was. He didn’t even realize he’d done anything wrong.”

“I hope you told him?” Lexa looked furious, her eyes intently on her.

“I did. Now Jerk Off I regret. See - there are a lot worse situations than you and I having sex, now or back in high school.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I’ll make it good I promise and if you ever even hint at stop then I’m stopping.”

“I have no doubt,” she smiled.

“So, do you want to head back to mine? We could walk the dog, watch a movie and sleep, you know just sleep.”

“Walk your dog?” she arched her brows and looked pointedly at her crotch and Lexa laughed.

“No my actual dog you floozy. And that’s not even a euphemism for female masturbation.”

“Aaah Bubba,” Clarke grinned tweaking Lexa's nose for the correction. “He must have missed me last night.” Clarke loved that Bubba adored her more than Lexa – Lexa hated it! It was feasible that Lexa didn’t actually hate it – she looked at the two of them together with a super soft expression.

“Oh he missed you.”

“Really?” she grinned, looking smug she knew.

“Yeah, sits by that picture I have of you and whines.”

“Is this you or him?” she teased.

“Haha, so droll Clarkey. I don’t exactly whine when I look at that photo,” she grinned and Clarke laughed loudly at the insinuation.

“Ok, enough. They let him come to work with you?” she asked. She’d seen dogs at fire halls often enough, she figured they might. 

“Now he’s stopped chewing the hoses, yeah,” Lexa smiled and she smiled back.

“Let’s go. Being out in public does not allow for enough proximity.”

“Hussy,” she whispered.

“You’re one tarty nickname away from an ex-girlfriend.”

“Don’t be such a fickle mistress,” she said blithely and pulled her from the bar by their entwined hands.

***

“I’m going crazy Raven,” Clarke complained, flopping backwards on her friend’s bed. 

“In what way?” Raven asked with a laugh.

“Lexa...well she’s making me crazy. On Boxing Day, she took me ice skating, then for dinner, we hung out the day after, then we went ice skating again, I stayed over, then to a bar last night, then home to her place. We walked Bubba, then watched a movie, fooled around and slept in her bed together again ...”

“So, at the ice rink, that was that when she made you, you know what? You must want her a lot.” Raven smirked and Clarke blushed. She really had to stop telling Raven, every little detail.

“Yeah that was when.”

“And you’ve stayed over twice now?” Raven sat down on the bed, far more interested.

“Not how you think,” Clarke rolled her eyes, “the girl will not have sex with me,” she grumbled. “She’ll make me come but the same way every time - I mean it's sex, but she's holding back _everything_ else. Even this morning we had breakfast and well, we fooled around, and I begged her. Raven, I’m now begging her for sex, or more sex, but she says not until we’ve dated a bit. Why? Why is she torturing me?”

“Maybe she’s trying to let you know she’s serious about you?” Raven suggested.

“I know she’s serious about me,” Clarke frowned heeding Raven’s words. “I mean she says she loves me. I know she loves me.”

“And she’s definitely in to it? You know the sex stuff?”

“Umm yeah,” Clarke had no doubt about that. The woman wouldn’t leave her alone, constantly touching, wanting, needing. Even the way Lexa looked at her left no room for doubt. She was clearly into it.

“Ok. So my conclusion,” Raven stated.

“Spill,” Clarke encouraged.

“She’s scared.”

“Scared?”

“Yes.”

“Of what?” what on earth did Lexa have to be scared of? She loved her and she must know how exceedingly good at all intimate things she was.

“I don’t know.”

“Well that’s no help,” Clarke grumbled.

“Why do you think?”

“Why do I think what? That she won’t have sex or that she’s scared?”

“Both,” Raven asked.

“If she’s scared it’s because she doesn’t want to mess up. She’s told me how important this is to her. How she really wants us both in New York together. I think Lexa worries about messing things up, about sabotaging her own happiness.”

“So why won’t she have sex?”

“Because she’s somehow scared it’ll be the thing to mess things up,” Clarke suddenly realized. “Maybe even scared that I’ll regret it.”

“I think you’re right,” Raven nodded. “I mean it’s classic Lexa. She wants something and then when she finally gets it, isn’t quite sure she deserves it.”

“She’s such an idiot,” Clarke practically snarled making Raven laugh.

“I’m sure you calling her an idiot helps,” she stated and even Clarke laughed.

“So what do I do?”

“Same as the kiss, take matters into your own hands and by matters. I mean...”

“I know what you mean,” Clarke flushed. Pushing herself up into a sitting position she stared at Raven. “I’m practically a virgin when it comes to women, I don’t know how to jump her.”

“She’s desperate for you, it won’t be so hard,” Raven reassured.

“So what do I do? I mean it Raven.” Clarke wanted to put the plan into action but where to start.

“I know,” Raven suddenly lit up.

“I’m listening.” 

“That fantasy she told you about. When you’re over at her and she takes Bubba for a walk, stay behind. Put on her uniform and see if she can resist then.”

“Oh that’s good,” she stated. And it really was. She’d seen Lexa in full uniform after all, and that had resulted in all the begging at breakfast time. “I’m heading to hers after dinner, when her shift is over.”

“Perfect,” Raven smirked. “I only wish you could take a photo.” 

“Raven,” Clarke protested but thought a photo wasn’t a bad idea, as a little present for Lexa over the months they’d be apart.

***

Clarke felt utterly ridiculous, but she knew she shouldn’t, not if she wanted to pull it off. She’d drunk a double vodka and coke - fast - and had put on her sexiest underwear and was finding it absolutely impossible to get Lexa’s heavy, stupid, sexy uniform on. Oh god, but she was pathetic. Lexa would be home any minute and she was just sat there in her underwear, with her uniform all around her. With the risk of looking rather pathetic she had to come up with a plan and fast. Then the thought occurred to her - Lexa could dress her, she could make Lexa cover her up. That would be perfect. So she lay down on her bed, in her rather wonderful black lacy underwear set and waited.

“Clarke,” Lexa had come home from walking the dog apparently.

“Upstairs, Lex,” she called down and waited as she heard her climb the stairs and open the bedroom door. She smiled demurely at her from the bed, especially when green eyes widened and she visibly gulped.

“Hmmm,” Lexa practically growled and Clarke was immediately turned on. God, she was an animal, it was borderline upsetting, but then again, it felt damn good.

“So, I had something in mind for us to do,” she ran a hand oh so casually across her breast, watching as Lexa’s eyes tracked its movement. She took a step towards her. 

“Mmmm,” another small step. She watched her eyes track all across her body, to her hand still resting on her chest, to her lips, and to her panties and specifically between her legs.

“See something you like there Lex,” she smirked as Lexa licked her lips, and then she rather experimentally tweaked her own nipple. Hmmm, apparently that felt a lot better with the woman of her dreams stood drooling over her, or groaning loudly.

“Clarke,” her name rumbled through Lexa’s body, practically feral.

“See I thought we could see how your uniform looks on me, only it was a little tricky for me to put on myself and so I need you to put it on for me,” she stated. She stared at her, stared at her so hard she could literally feel the desire roll off of her.

“Put clothes on you?” Lexa frowned and took another step towards her.

“Yes,” she stated watching her eyes flick between her legs again.

“I could take clothes off of you,” she offered, tongue wetting her lips.

“No, I said put them on me,” she said rather bossily. “What did you say, start with the pants...” she trailed her hand down her chest, along her stomach and off to the side of the bed before pointing.

“Ummm Clarke,” Lexa sounded kind of breathless, and her hands were clenching at her sides. 

“No taking off clothes, just putting them on,” she repeated amazed at herself for taking such pleasure in the bravado.

“Hmmm,” was all the woman managed as she moved to the side of the bed and picked up her uniform pants. With another deep and obvious gulp she held them open, “in,” she just barely managed to say her voice was so gruff. Clarke smirked because Lexa was undeniably turned on, so was she and whilst they weren’t any nearer to having more sex, different sex, at this point she wasn’t really sure it mattered. Whatever this was turning into, well it was pretty special. She delicately stepped into the large pants and Lexa bent down and retrieved the waist of the pants and pulled them slowly up, allowing her fingers to graze her legs, long fingers trailing across her skin. Clarke was surprised by the moan that came from her, especially when two fingers dipped between her legs, just fleetingly, and whispered across her. She pulled the leather braces up over her shoulders and then smoothed them down, ensuring her fingers brushed across the black lace bra Clarke was wearing as she did so. Then Lexa stepped back and stared at her, and it was an utterly wanton look. Clarke tried to stay calm but her breathing was already erratic and she was totally ready to jump her. She reminded herself it was a long game. She had to resist.

“And the rest,” she looked at the ground. Bending down Lexa picked up her large, heavy coat and slipped it onto Clarke’s shoulders. It was huge on her, despite the fact that while Lexa was taller than her she was still tiny, but the coat was big. The size of her coat made her feel good. Clarke knew she was curvy but Lexa's coat made her feel delicate. Lexa pulled the coat shut, her hands connecting with her skin wherever possible. “Good,” she smiled at her, what she hoped was a sultry smile. Now she was all trussed up and Lexa was looking at her like she was about to pounce and Clarke didn’t know what she should she do? She wished she was better at all this but Lexa normally led and she followed, oh so willingly. Raven would know what to do, but she wasn’t Raven. She’d made out with boys, had a ton of sex, but with girls, with Lexa whom she’d made out with intensely, she felt out of her depth. What was it Lexa had said, that this fantasy was all about what she would do. So she needed to act, but what should she do? Her eyes flicked to Lexa's crotch, oh she knew. She took a step toward Lexa, beautiful Lexa who was shaking. Clarke reached out a hand running it down her chest, over the swell of her chest and to the front of her dark jeans, pressing fingers against her. Lexa groaned, and apparently broke because she literally threw her to the bed and kissed her hard and furious, pushing off the coat, flicking the braces aside and biting down on her nipple. She groaned, holy hell but Lexa was insanely hot. 

“Lexa,” she moaned her name as Lexa proceeded to fling the uniform her body all the while kissing her like she’d die if she stopped. Clarke somehow managed to find the waistband of Lexa’s jeans and she yanked at the belt and buttons and somehow managed to push them off of her with her legs, all while the woman in question moaned and literally tore apart her underwear, before reaching behind her back and with one impressive flick of her wrist, freeing her from her bra. Clarke shoved at Lexa’s Polis Fire Department t-shirt but she only took her lips from hers for a second as she pushed it over her head. “Please touch me Lexa, put your fingers in me, please.”

Lexa didn’t need asking twice it seemed, her hand pushing between her legs. Clarke whimpered, well aware of how wet she was. She trailed one skilled finger along her, then pushed two fingers into her causing her to cry out. How the hell could it feel so damn good? Clarke felt dizzy, especially when Lexa’s magic thumb began to work her clit and her fingers angled just so pushed in and out. “Lexa,” she groaned feeling a tidal wave of pleasure building up in her almost instantly, damn her. Her whole body arching off the bed, her hands uselessly stilled on Lexa’s back she came, way too fast but so damn well. 

“Oh wow, Lexa,” her breathing was harsh, Lexa’s fingers still inside of her, “your fingers…” she sighed before rolling on top of the woman, needing control despite her inexperience. The feeling of Lexa naked beneath her was intoxicating, her skin warm, soft, and hers to press against. She slid her body along Lexa’s until their lips met, until they were kissing, and she instinctively moved, rubbing against her, feeling wetness against her that made everything throb. “I want to come like this now,” she whimpered and Lexa nodded, hips rising to meet hers, a soft murmured beg swallowed in their kiss. Clarke had thought she’d feel self-conscious but she didn’t. She loved Lexa, loved her in a forever way and the feel of her beneath her, hips rising to maintain contact, her breathing labored, her hands pressing into her ass, soft whimpered declarations of love on her lips wiped away any self-awareness and gave Clarke confidence.

“Oh god,” she could feel her orgasm building again and she couldn’t even think to control her body moving, rubbing them together in the most delectable way. 

“Oh god, fuck…” Lexa crooned, “I… Clarke,” she urged her with her hands on her hips to do the same again, and so she did. “Feels fucking good,” she told her, and as always Lexa’s words did as much for her as anything. She knew she was going to come quickly, she could feel it rising up in her within seconds and she responded to the need with increasingly aggressive movements, aware of Lexa’s labored breaths.

“You’re going to make me come,” Lexa warned her, which was just what she wanted to hear.

“Hmmm,” she responded eloquently, groaning as her orgasm ripped through her. “Fuck,” she cried as she ground into her before Lexa also cried out and pulled her tight against hero causing a second orgasm to flood through her before the first one was even spent. Lexa’s arms wrapped around her and she kissed her, and kissed her again.

“Love you,” Lexa whispered into her ear and then kissed it.

“You don’t hate me for pushing things along? For taking advantage?

“You took advantage of me?” she echoed.

“Using your fantasy to get you to have more sex with me.”

“I’m impressed and a little relieved. I think I was a little scared of fucking up.”

“No fuck up,” she assured her and she laughed.

“I should say not. Do you have any idea how exceedingly hot you are?”

“Right back at you,” she stated and rolled off of her.

“You know what Clarke?” Lexa was staring at her with intent eyes.

“What?”

“I used to consider myself a brave person.”

“You are a brave person,” she interrupted. “You fight fires, save lives.”

“I know, but in life too. I came out without hesitating, to anyone when it was relevant and a lot of times when it wasn’t. I even pursued girls, girls I knew were interested and some I knew weren’t but could be. But I was always so scared of messing up our friendship that I never pursued you, and despite loving you for years, I didn’t kiss you, you kissed me. Then I know you want me, that you love me, but I’m scared of messing up this beautiful thing we’ve got going between us and so you have to move us on, in an incredibly creative, fantastic way I might add.”

“I seem to be your kryptonite.”

“The thought of losing you sure is,” Lexa agreed so sincerely it made Clarke smile.

“You’re not going to lose me,” she reassured.

“Well no, I hope not. And I’m going to stop being such a wuss. What I’m saying Clarke, is I am absolutely willing to have sex with you as much as you want and in as many different ways as you want,” she said it seriously but there was just a hint of a smile and Clarke laughed.

“Oh, so generous Ms. Woods,” she grinned.

“Seriously, anytime Clarke. I even promise to be brave and you know, try and get you in the mood on occasion. You know, initiate things.”

“You do initiate things,” she rolled her eyes.

“Well I’ll follow through,” Lexa smirked, looking so beautiful it made Clarke’s heart ache. “I’ll definitely follow through. You know, I might be ready to follow through pretty soon.” She ran a hand down her side, resting it in the hollow of her hip.

“You’ve changed your tune,” Clarke teased her, loving the feel of them lying so close.

“I love you Clarke. I just hope that this,” Lexa gestured to their naked forms, “that this works for you, that being with me feels like more than just being really intimate with your best friend? That it doesn’t feel too intimate,” Lexa looked genuinely concerned, like she still didn’t truly understand or believe how much she was wanted and desired. 

“Lexa,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “What is one of the best bases for a relationship? It’s friendship. You still feel like my best friend, but you need to understand that you’ve also always felt like more. I get why you’re feeling cautious – I didn’t experiment in high school, I didn’t tell you about these feelings.”

“Probably for the same reasons I didn’t tell you about mine,” Lexa admitted, a slight flush on her cheeks and Clarke wriggled closer. “Raven knew. I mean, she’s my sister. She knew.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. She always teased me.”

“Raven would. But you didn’t want to see if what was between us was something, back then I mean?” Lexa kissed her bare shoulder and Clarke’s thoughts dived to the gutter.

“I didn’t really accept my feelings back then,” Clarke admitted, “distance made me see it. Missing you made me feel it stronger. But if you’re worried that this isn’t real, wanted and something special…”

“Oh I know it’s all of those things,” Lexa interrupted but then frowned, “for me.”

“It’s the same for me,” Clarke promised and then pressed kisses to Lexa’s neck, her chest, before sliding down her body, pressing kisses all the way to her goal, loving the strangled moan, the exhalation, the smell, the taste. “Lemme prove it,” she whispered.

***

“It doesn’t take a genius to work out the plan was a success,” Raven rolled her eyes as Clarke took off her coat in the quiet coffee shop, a definite spring in her step and grin on her face.

“What gives it away?” Clarke couldn’t seem to stop smiling. She was half convinced she was going slightly mad - she was seeing the shape of Lexi’s buttocks in the snow, the color of her eyes in the river, she was absolutely one hundred percent besotted.

“Oh I don’t know, the faraway look in your eye, the shit eating grin you can’t stop sporting, the languid manner in which you’re walking. I think it’s stamped across your forehead ‘I got laid.’”

“Good and proper,” Clarke added and Raven laughed.

“That good?” she asked pushing a coffee across the table to her friend.

“Better,” Clarke actually laughed. Laughed at absolutely nothing.

“Ok, so if she has you this loved up after one night she needs to talk to Wick. I’m not saying Wick is bad, but sometimes he’s a little... self-orientated.”

“The way you talk sometimes you’re a little self-orientated in bed,” Clarke teased and Raven laughed.

“Well that might be true. So spill, you do the whole outfit?” she leaned a little closer.

“I couldn’t get the damn thing on by myself, so I umm, well I was lying in my underwear on the bed when she came home and I made her dress me.”

“Ha, you’re a cruel woman,” Raven clearly appreciated her efforts and despite doing a lot of blush worthy activities the night before, as well as that morning, Clarke blushed.

“Well it worked. She snapped.”

“About time.”

“But I have a problem,” Clarke sighed, still unable to shift her smile.

“You don’t look like you have a problem,” Raven chuckled. “In fact you look happy. Like really fricken' happy.”

“That is the problem Raven. I’m so loved up I’m bound to make a fool of myself. I’m dawdling her name on every scrap of paper, on the boarders of my very expensive text books, even. On the way over here a drift of snow reminded me of her ass. I mean I knew I loved her, for all her Lexaness, but this? This is a little overwhelming. I literally can’t stop thinking about her. I want to be touching her all the time, I want to be with her all the time. How in earth am I going to cope until we’re both in New York? What if I don’t end up in New York?”

“Well you get through the separation by imagining the reunion,” Raven quipped and Clarke faded out for a second doing just that. Oh boy, she realized that was not a safe line of thought.

“Six months though,” she dropped her head to the table. It may have seemed like an overreaction but it didn’t feel like one.

“Oh she’ll visit you,” Raven reassured. “And you can visit her. And there’s facetime, texting, phone calls. And you’re like her Instagram stalker.”

“And if I match somewhere like LA? Or SF? What then?”

“I’m pretty sure Lexa would move anywhere for you if you asked.”

“I suppose,” Clarke felt so conflicted. She was so full of this crazy loved up feeling and yet devastated by the overshadowing of her imminent departure, which was January 1st, the next day. Then when would she see her?

“You can also do phone sex.”

“But it’s her. I’ll miss the sex, believe me, I’ll miss it, but Lexa. All of her. I told you, I think I’m crazy. I’ll miss the little mole on her collarbone, I’ll miss the hair on her arms, her tattoos, her sexy bed voice, her eyes...Raven her eyes...” 

“Ok, you can stop right there Clarkey-poo. I have never seen you so pathetically in love. Get a grip woman,” Raven reached over and mussed up Clarke’s hair, sure to irritate her. 

“Aggh, I am pathetic,” Clarke sunk into her chair, not the least bit bothered by her hair. “Where’s my independence gone, huh? The love of a good woman and terrific sex have turned me into a gibbering wreck. I would literally do anything for her.”

“Don’t worry, the independence and feistyness we all know and love will return Clarke.” 

“But I’m so loved up I don’t even want it to,” Clarke sunk her head onto the table again. 

“She must be really, really good,” Raven mused. 

“Raven,” Clarke protested raising her eyes momentarily.

“Seriously, to have turned you into this,” Raven gestured at her friend, “this sorry excuse for a woman.”

“Don’t worry I’m sure she’ll say something annoying soon enough and I’ll Clarke up, but this feeling inside of me, this love, I just can’t see it going.”

“It’s not supposed to you idiot. The idea is that we meet someone and that feeling just keeps on growing. You said you thought Lexa was it for you - the one. Well surely this just supports that.”

“Hmmm, yeah I guess it does,” and Clarke was off again into her loved up world. Pulling out her cellphone Raven dialed the fire house. Luck was on her side and Lexa answered.

“Woods,” she stated.

“What the hell have you done to my friend?” Raven asked and Clarke just smirked, still musing on Lexa perfection.

“What?” Lexa sounded confused.

“She’s a love drunk idiot today,” Raven stated and Lexa laughed. “I nearly dialed 911.”

“Please do, then I can come and see her.”

“And what? Call it in as, ‘woman melts into orgasm induced puddle,’ seriously Lex,” Raven chided.

“I’m not exactly faring much better on the whole concentration front,” Lexa admitted with an amused chuckle, “it’s not like I can think of anything but her...in my uniform, while I’m in my uniform. How am I gonna get through six months? What if she doesn’t match in New York?”

“You two are idiots, just thought you should know,” Raven teased.

“Love you too Raven,” Lexa snarked and hung up.

“Your girlfriend is as love drunk as you.”

“She should be,” Clarke mused.

“Excellent. Well I’m going to call Lincoln and Bellamy, get them to meet us here so I can have some stimulating conversation.”

“Hmmm, you do that,” Clarke agreed.

***

“Oh dear lord,” Raven groaned.

“Not pleased to see me?” Lexa smirked as she entered the coffee shop. 

“Lexa,” Clarke practically sprang out of her chair and even Raven had to laugh.

“And how is my lovely girl,” Lexa grinned down at Clarke whom she wrapped in her arms and Clarke felt her heart burst.

“Hmmm,” she smiled looking up at her girl with large doe eyes, oh she was beautiful and lovely, and there in her arms.

“Raven here called and said you were missing me,” Lexa supplied with a kiss to her lips.

“I called Lincoln to come see us, I called you to complain,” Raven supplied helpfully.

“Aren’t you working?” Clarke asked, running a hand across her navy blue shirt. It wasn’t the actual firefighting part of the uniform but it still looked good. Really good.

“They sent me to get food. Apparently I’m being annoying. They also really want you to call through the fire hall.”

“I’ll bet they do,” Raven laughed from behind them.

Clarke shot her a look, “Pipe down Chachi,” she told her pointedly and then ignoring the conversation they’d been in the middle of proceeded to kiss Lexa. Apparently she was happy with that because she kissed her back.

“Don’t worry, they’ll be over it in a couple of days,” Lincoln stated slipping into a chair next to Raven.

“God I really hope so,” Bellamy complained slipping into another chair.

“Well by tomorrow they’ll have to be. I think we have to prepare ourselves for the smultsiest, innuendo ridden, make out fest of a New Years yet,” Raven reached over to Bellamy and grabbed some snow off of his hair and then did the same to Lincoln before throwing it at Clarke and Lexa. Neither acknowledged her.

*** 

Clarke was naked in Lexa’s arms - again. She didn’t mean for it to happen, but it was as if her body knew it wasn’t going to see her for a long time and was hell bent on getting as much Lexa loving as possible. Her head would decide that she was innocently popping into the fire hall because Lexa asked her to. She chatted with the guys, Lexa holding her hand, and yeah, she was showing her off big style but that was okay. It actually made her feel really warm and good inside. Of course Lexa had to show her the truck, what tour is complete without a tour of the truck and the other guys seemed to know exactly what it would involve as they made a sharp exit and left Lexa to take her in the back of said truck.

“They know we just did that, right?” she panted, still coming down from what was yet again, truly perfect sex and an orgasm she was pretty sure the guys heard. 

“Oh yeah, sorry. One look at you and they knew I’d never resist,” Lexa concurred not in the least bit sorry she could tell. She thought to be embarrassed but it was New Year’s Eve, and while Lexa had the evening off, she was on duty at six the next morning. New Years was usually busy so Clarke knew it was lucky to have the evening off. She didn’t want to waste time dwelling on who knew what, so she pressed her face to Lexa’s naked chest and breathed deeply.

“I really don’t want you to go Clarke,” Lexa held her head against her. “I’m beginning to feel a little desperate here.”

“I don’t want to go either, but it’s just six months. And hopefully we can meet up. I have to go but if I didn't...”

“I know you have to go,” Lexa hissed softly as she kissed each breast, “but I don’t want you to.”

“Your idea of living together sounds better and better,” Clarke mused, “you promised a lot of sex.”

“We can still do it lots and not live together,” Lexa chuckled and she pouted.

“You don’t want to live together anymore?” she felt hurt.

“Actually I so enjoyed being convinced into doing this with you,” she gestured between them, “that I thought you convincing me to live with you would be really, really awesome.”

“You pervert,” she whacked her with her hand, but it trailed uselessly across her chest.

“Now you’ve been to bed with me you don’t get to call me that,” she teased.

“Says who?”

“The girl who knows just what you like and don’t like, and how you look liking it and...”

“Shut up Lexa,” she glared at her and she chuckled.

“Seriously Griffin, we’re unbearable to our friends and families, our work colleagues,” she added a little sheepishly, “and I don’t care because I love you. But six months,” she rolled them so she was leaning on her elbow over Clarke’s body.

“You say that like you’re not sure you can wait six months?” Clarke frowned, feeling slightly panicked inside.

“Did you miss the hopelessly in love with you bit? I mean six months - it’s going to kill me because I love you.”

“Oh that’s ok then,” she breathed out.

“You don’t care if it kills me?” she feigned hurt.

“It won’t kill you,” she rolled her eyes.

“It might. Did you miss the desperate bit? I mean I’m addicted to you.”

“Raven told me to get through the six months, to get through it you just imagine our reunion,” she looked at her and she looked back as her, an odd little frown on her face.

“Oh...” was all she said. “I could probably get with that...but we have to act out every single reunion fantasy I come up with.”

“Lexa,” she chided but was laughing. “Mine too.”

“And I will visit. I’ll talk to the chief and see what I can do, but every chance I get I’ll visit you. Even if you’re at work and we only get a few hours together. D.C. isn’t so far.”

“And there’s the phone, and Facetime, texts,” she said. “And email, don’t forget emails.”

“Clarke, I will write you emails until the day I die now I know I have them to thank for so much.”

“There’s no outside noise and distraction in an email,” she stated. “Don’t get me wrong Lex. I fell for you in person, on the phone, in my mind but yeah, emails played a bit part.”

“I love you.”

“I love you to Lex, but I’m beginning to feel like I should really put my clothes on? What if there’s a 911 call?”

“You come on a 911 call naked?” she told her optimistically.

“I’m putting my clothes back on,” she stated decisively.

“Spoil sport,” she smirked but handed her bra and panties to her. “To be fair I need to get back to work,” she kissed her though and then kissed her some more.

“We are truly pathetic,” she was breathing deeply when she finally pushed her away. “I was going to let you, you know, do me all over again. We have got to get a grip,” she sighed but Lexa seemed to have other ideas, pushing off her underwear that she’d just pulled on and sitting her on the seat. Dropping to her knees she kissed her, pulling her ass to the edge of the seat and pressed her mouth against her, her tongue inside of her. “Lexa,” she moaned, thrown by the turn of events.

“I can’t seem to resist you,” she defended tongue dancing on her, making everything tighten. “I’ll be quick, I promise,” she growled biting down on her thigh before moving back between her legs. Clarke couldn’t think except for the building of pressure about to burst through her. She actually screamed when she came.

“We don’t do this again until next year,” Clarke stated breathlessly, “we can’t get through a conversation without ripping each other’s clothes off.”

“But...”

“No buts. Everyone will be at your place tonight and we will not sneak off. We will resist and we will have normal conversation. Our story has turned from a love story into a porno.”

“Can we kiss?” Lexa looked horrified.

“We can kiss,” she knew she would have to be able to touch her, “and touch, but nothing that leads to sex.”

“You led us down this path of depravity,” she teased, pulling up her underwear for her.

“Me?” she looked aghast. “I merely moved us onto the next level in our relationship, which you cannot argue we weren’t ready for,” she argued. Clarke knew the depravity was partly her fault, after all she’d pushed the sex thing, but Lexa was equally to blame, she was after all incredibly illicit in her thoughts and actions and oh so good at it.

“Yes, so it would be,” she stepped closer to her again, “cruel to withhold it now,” she grinned down at her, her hands running down her still naked sides.

“Lexa... like I said, one conversation! We can’t get through one conversation. If this is love, tonight the love must shine through!”

“You doubt my love?” Lexa looked horrified and dropped her hands from her. 

“Well no,” she shook her head and she grinned placing her hands back on her. “But Lexa, we need to find a balance otherwise we’ll realize we didn’t speak for the last three days together.”</p>

“Ok...I see your point. I hate your point, but I get it. I love you. I love talking to you. I love being irritated by you and even belittled by you. No sex until next year.”

“Stroke of midnight and I’m all yours!” she grinned and she laughed.

“Oh I’ll be holding you to that.”

“Good.”

“Now get your clothes on Clarke... Imagine there was a 911 call,” she shook her head with mock severity.

Clarke glared at her, “Wow, did I forget to mention I don’t love being irritated by you?”

“You so love it,” she countered, buttoning up her shirt.

“I love you. Your irritating qualities I try to ignore,” she stated pulling on her sweater.

“Hmm, you’ve been so bothered by my character quirks lately,” she teased.

“I’ve been distracted. I’m sure they’ll all flood back this evening!”

“Undoubtedly.”

At that moment someone banged on the side of the truck causing Clarke to jump a mile and scream.

“Come on Woods,” her buddy yelled and Clarke knew she must be bright red.

“See this, porno lifestyle is humiliating!”

“And fun,” she smoothed her sweater over her jeans for her, her hands lingering on her backside.

“And fun,” she conceded.

***

“You look beautifully edible this evening Griffin,” Lexa pulled her in for a long hug and kiss as she and Raven at her place.

“Hmmm, you look awfully nice too,” she agreed, kissing her back just as enthusiastically, seemingly unaware that they were moving themselves away from the other guests and towards her room.

“Na-ah,” Raven grabbed at Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke turned to glare at her. “Don’t glare at me. You told me, you and Lexa in plain sight until New Years, now go take a seat together and stop trying to get busy.”

They both stopped and took a step back from each other.

“Good,” Raven praised. “Now take her hand and go talk to your friends and each other. Sex will still be there at midnight.”

“You involved Raven?” Lexa hissed as they made their way down the hall.

“Ummm, yeah?” she looked at her apologetically.

“Well damn, now we can’t cheat. She’ll never let us get away with it.”

“That’s kinda why I involved her,” Clarke admitted with a lopsided smile. She was loving all the intimacy. It was wonderful, passionate, orgasm inducing and utterly addictive. Every time Lexa was near her she was turned on and her thoughts were almost exclusively depraved. But as much as she loved it she wanted an evening of focus on Lexa the person, the person she felt so ridiculously, heart stoppingly in love with. “Trust me Lex,” she implored and she looked down at her with those eyes if her and nodded.

“Always.”

***

Clarke suddenly understood happiness. It had been a long time coming and had teased her with its possibility along the journey of her life, but until that New Year’s Eve Clarke realized she hadn’t ever been really, truly happy. Part of her new happiness may have been Lexa but that wasn’t it in its entirety. Lexa had given her the freedom to truly believe in herself and therefore that happiness was attainable. Clarke had thought she’d be happy with Bellamy when she was fifteen. That endeavor was not as short-lived as it should have been and brought nothing but misery, insecurity and distress. Then she had thought finally getting out of Polis would do it, and to a degree it did. She was happy with her success but not happy with herself. College had been a great experience, but not what she thought it would be. Through it all she and Lexa had stayed in touch. She told her everything over email, or nearly everything because there was something new growing between them. Lexa had always hated the guys she dated but she hadn’t read into that in the beginning - Lexa had always hated any guy she dated, she put it down to overprotectiveness. Throughout the years she would tease, comfort, council and above all else encourage her to believe in who she was, not what others wanted her to be. Any guy meant to be with her, was not going to be scared off by her fiery temper, or desire to do what was right, or even her bad moods.

Yes, Clarke realized she was happy. She knew that she had found someone who loved her, not flaws and all, but loved her flaws as part of her. Lexa loved when she was unreasonable. Oh she might banter, and argue and call her on it, but she loved that she could stand up to people and up for herself. Oh how she loved Lexa too. She knew she was mushier than snow in Spring temperatures but she couldn’t help it. Her insides were all gooey. She pressed her head against Lexa’s chest and her arms tightened.

“I think Bellamy wants to thump me,” Lexa whispered into her ear and she laughed.

“He does not,” she shot her a withering look.

“No seriously, check out the look on his face. His nostrils are flaring.”

“Don’t believe you,” she smirked but turned her head slowly to look at Bellamy who was meant to be talking to Harper but was kind of glaring at them with flaring nostrils. She snorted her laughter into Lexa’s chest. “But he’s fine with us?” 

“According to Raven who heard from Lincoln, who heard from O - our inability to keep our mitts off one another is rubbing ‘salt in the wound.’”

“What wound?” she frowned.

“The soulmate one,” she told her sternly and she acquiesced to this.

“What the fuck? Soulmates? If anyone is my soulmate it’s you. Though I suppose if I thought my soul mate was doing what we’ve been doing I’d be a little nostril flarey too,” she admitted and Lexa chuckled.

“We better talk to the guy before the end of the evening,” Lexa said and she nodded.

“I suppose but right now let’s just stay here,” she wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down for a kiss. Popcorn landed on them moments later. They both looked at Raven but she was innocently talking to Lincoln and Octavia, Wick by her side. “Hmmm,” Clarke murmured and leaning forward picked up a kernel of corn from Lexi’s collar bone with her tongue. She groaned and looked at her pointedly. “I was hungry,” she defended.

“Tell me Clarke, this little deal we have tonight. You don’t regret having sex? Should we have waited until we were both in New York?” the words were said quietly but she knew Lexa well enough to recognize the insecurity.

“Don’t talk crazy,” she managed to say. “Do you want to know what I was thinking about a few minutes ago?”

“Tell me,” she pulled her closer, resting her forehead against hers for a moment.

“You and I have talked about a lot of stuff. We agree on the fundamentals, you know a women’s right to choose, gay rights, politics… We’re totally compatible, but you know what Lex? Life with you is not boring because we can argue our way around the fundamentals and through the little stuff and it’s exciting. But as well as exciting it’s peaceful, we can talk about nothing much and I still want to be sat there with you talking some more. Life with you is thrilling and peaceful, passionate and loving all at the same time. You’re my best friend Lexa, not my only friend ok, but you’re the person who has always got me best, but never claimed to have me all figured out, or know me completely. I’m happy. For the first time in my arguably pretty tough life, I am so, so happy. Am I glad we had sex? You better believe it. I just wanted to spend my last evening talking to my best friend and then spend time with my lover. I’m going to miss them both.”

“You are the best,” Lexa stated and kissed her. “And as we have established time and time again, I’m a dumbass.”

“Caring doesn’t make you a dumbass.”

“No, true,” she grinned, then looked at her coyly, “I’m your best friend?”

“Oh trust you,” she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Yes and you’ve known that for years.”

“I like that you think of us as friends and not just more too.”

“Just over a week ago we were just friends,” she defended.

“We haven’t been just friends for a long while.”

“Raven says she could tell we wanted each other years and years ago,” Clarke informed her.

“Heart eyes are hard to hide,” Lexa gave her a pointed look.

“Oh I’m the one with heart eyes?” she scoffed, “babe you have no idea how you look at me.”

“And how do I look at you?”

“Like a love sick puppy.”

“A puppy?” Lexa was still somehow managing to sound indignant.</p>

“A total puppy.”

“But I used to disagree with you. We argue! I’m not a push over.”

“No one is saying you are,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “I loved arguing with you.”

“Yeah it was fun,” Lexa agreed.

“Still is,” she agreed.

“I’ll remind you of that when you’re in the middle of bitching at me,” Lexa smirked.

“Bitching at you?” she was totally offended, and pushed away from her girl.

“Bet you feel like bitching at me right now don’t cha?” she grinned and Clarke whacked her.

“Nah, not tonight, though you term it as "bitching" again and there’ll be no after midnight.”

“Wow, pull out the big guns,” Lexa responded glibly but her arms tightened around her and she pressed a kiss to her neck.

“It’s banter,” she stated decisively.

“I love banter,” she looked thoughtful and Clarke wasn’t sure she’d make it to midnight. “I nearly told you…how I felt. After that night when you and Bellamy argued. When you crawled into my bed…”

“I wonder where we’d be now if you had?” she mused, an utter mess inside at her admittance.

“I was a fuck up during high school. If I’d told you and by some miracle you wanted me back, you can rest assured I’d have fucked it all up. Maybe not at first, but in the end.”

“What changed?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” she frowned.

“Well, firstly let’s clarify - you thought you were a "fuck up," not I. Sure you messed up the academics at times but you have always been a great person. But now, you aren’t mucking up life at all. I mean you have it sorted. Great job, great move on the horizon, gorgeous dog...”

“Love of a good woman,” Lexa interjected and she laughed.

“Oh that too.”

“So you mean why so little motivation at school and so much in life?”

“I guess?”

“Hmmm. School was a bit of rebellion I think. All my friends were these over achievers, my insecurities from life in the system…they weren’t so easy to get over. Raven, she’s so smart and she threw herself into that…I guess I wanted to understand people and I wasn’t always very good at it. Indra tried to convince me I wasn’t the waste of space my biological family had taught me I was. Then I loved you, the worst girl in the world to fall in love with because you want me back and we both lose our friend, you don’t want me, I lose everyone, and most significantly you. I’m not stupid Clarke. I mean I was lazy and arrogant in school, but if I’d worked I’d have done well. I’ve been doing college classes and I am doing well. I guess I just don’t want my life to be one of laziness and apathy. There are things I want to do, people I want in my life. I can’t be sleeping in my mom’s basement at thirty.”

“Well you could, but it would be a little pitiful,” she teased.

“Now don’t misunderstand me Clarke, when I say this next bit, but you...you kind of motivated me.”

“Me?” she didn’t see how. 

“Well I never really felt worthy of you. I didn’t push things further with you during high school for a whole multitude of reasons, but one was because I couldn’t ever compare to Bellamy. I couldn’t and not just because I was a girl, but because I was making a mess of my life while you all strove for success. I was nothing and I knew it, while you are so smart, so creative and so capable. I’ve worked hard to be worthy of you, to be good enough for you and for my own peace of mind. Believe me, the idea of you is wonderful motivation,” she looked at her and Clarke was aware she must look horror struck, but the girl could be such an idiot, such a hurtful, idiotic pleb. “What?”

“You have always, always compared better than you think to others, especially in the ways that really matter and as far as worth goes? If you think that matters to me, you don’t know me at all,” she felt a sudden distance erupt between them. And if she felt it, Lexa must to. Her expression was serious. “I’m serious Lex. That’s a huge misjudgment of who I am and what is important to me. I have never held my aspirations for myself up to others. I have never projected them onto others. Happiness in life is an inside job. Sure, others can facilitate it but they can’t dictate it.”

“Clarke,” Lexa attempted but she pushed herself off her lap.

“Maybe it’s time I went and spoke to Bellamy. You know here’s an idea, maybe I can make him feel like nothing, you know give him some motivation.”

“I never said you made me feel like nothing,” she protested.

“You may as well have,” she turned on heel and stalked off for the kitchen where in lay the alcohol. Lexa was about to follow but she was two steps behind Raven who glared at her and mouthed at her to leave it.

***

“What’s up Clarke?” she asked following her friend into the kitchen where Clarke was helping herself to a shot of tequila. Octavia handed her some lemon and Clarke bit down.

“Lexa’s an idiot,” Clarke stated.

Octavia laughed, “So, what’s new?” she chuckled and poured them each a shot.

“Yesterday you were a mushy puddle of love for the woman,” Raven reminded her.

“Weather turned frosty,” Clarke said icily as the three girls did another shot.</p>

“What on earth could she have said or done that is that bad?” Raven rolled her eyes and Clarke glared at her.

Octavia took one look at her friend’s furious girlfriend, “I’m with Clarke, Lexa could have done any number of stupid things. I mean it must have been really bad to incite that wrath.”

“I’m not angry,” Clarke protested, slumping down on the floor taking the other two girls and the tequila bottle with her.

“Could have fooled me Clarke,” Raven teased.

“I’m hurt.”

“Which is way worse than angry,” Octavia filled in.

“Way worse,” Clarke concurred and poured three more shots.

“What did she do? And before you get so drunk you can’t listen to our words of wisdom on the subject.” 

“She told me I was her motivation for self-improvement. That she felt like nothing and she had to be worthy of me.” 

“Implying...” Octavia hinted.

“Implying I made her feel like nothing and worth is somehow paramount to me, that you have to be successful to be considered by me. I loved that stupid idiot even when she was actually a stupid idiot. You love the person not the success and you hope that the person gets the success they deserve.”

“Awww Clarke, she didn’t mean you made her feel like nothing, I’m sure,” Raven beseeched, “just that she wanted to be the best version of herself for you.”

“That wasn’t how it sounded.”

“Trust me Clarke, my sister needed motivation. Self-esteem didn’t run very high for her. She may have been little when Indra fostered her but she had four years of contact with the birth-mom and there was very little expectation laid at her feet and what there was went a long way to creating a little self-belief. She probably meant that. We all knew back in school that Lexa had potential, the problem was not many people expected her to meet it. Maybe that’s unfair. Maybe she didn’t expect to meet it because it didn’t seem real. You liking her, and she knew you liked her, well she started to feel that she might have some potential and you were something that made working to reveal that potential worth it.”

“Oh you’re as bad as she is,” Clarke grumbled. “Yes I get the first bit, but I don’t want to be her motivator. She needs to be her own motivator.”

“She is her own motivator Clarke,” Raven could get defensive of her sister, they all knew that and Octavia pushed another shot of tequila in Clarke’s direction.

“Not the way you both make it sound. You make me sound like some idealistic person only interested in those who’ve proven their worth and that my approval is some prize to be won.”

“You’re making it way to complicated,” Raven nearly snarled so Clarke did her tequila shot aware that she was getting very drunk in a very short space of time.

“No I am not. She said she worked hard to be good enough for me. The dumb girl was always good enough for me and I’m not going to be cast in the role of the never satisfied, hard to please, better girl. All I ever wanted was to escape Polis and even that was a metaphor. I don’t hate this place, I just wanted to prove to myself I could go anywhere and do anything if I wanted. Sure at one point in my life there was nothing worse than staying here but that’s because there is a whole world out there and here…here was where my dad died… Why on earth does Lexa think I’m some stuck up girl, that someone has to be ‘good enough’ for?”

“I love you Clarke, and you never have been and never will be stuck up,” Raven began tentatively, “but you did like your college guys, and Bellamy did pretty well at school, you know. He went to college and Lexa did not.”

“I like smart people,” Clarke rolled her eyes irritably.

“Well exactly,” Octavia stated and Clarke rounded on her.

“Lexa is one of the smartest people I know. She always has been.”

“You’re the smartest person we all know, I mean aside from me, and you always went for smart guys, therein lies Lexa’s belief that she needed to be worthy,” Raven summarized and Clarke felt tears sting her eyes.

“I’m going home,” she stated.

“It’s twenty minutes to midnight Clarke and you’re drunk,” Octavia protested.

“I don’t care. I want to go home,” and she grabbed her coat shoved her boots on her feet and headed out the back door and into the icy air.

“Lexa,” she heard Raven yell as the door slammed shut. Moments later Lexa was beside her.

“So you’re running away?” Lexa looked at her with something she recognized as disappointment.

“There’s no need to be disappointed in me Lex, I’m disappointed in myself.”

“What the hell is going on Clarke?”

“To love me, I mean to love me the way I love you, surely you know me. But you know what it turns out everything one thinks I’m some lofty snob who would only deign to date individuals of certain class or standard of intellect. That one must be worthy to date me. Fuck it Lexa.”

“Fuck it, that’s your solution? To just fuck it?”

“Yeah,” she turned to face her feeling defiant.

“But I don’t want to fuck it. You took it all way to seriously. I felt like I was nothing because I had been told I was nothing. You made me feel like I was somebody, that it was worth working to see what I might be because I might actually be something good. You gave me worth, maybe that’s a better way to describe it.”

“Oh Lex, you do say the right things, and you do make me feel better, but I meant fuck it, as in this ridiculous argument. I don’t care what people thought of me, or even what they think of me, only that you love me and I make you happy. So fuck it and stuff waiting until midnight,” and she kissed her, shoving her icy hands up Lexa’s cozy sweater and onto her warm body.

“Can we fuck it somewhere warmer?”

“I say fuck far too much since I started fucking you,” she smirked and Lexa laughed.

“Ok, cleaner language and warmer temperatures and I’ll aim to make you come when the ball drops.”

“Oh, the balls are dropping are they, do they need some help?” she teased. 

“Babe, I don’t even have balls, but I’ll make you come and if you wanna do whatever back I think that would be good,” Lexa gave a small moan when Clarke dipped her hands down the back of her pants. “I love you,” she dropped a kiss onto her forehead.

“Hmmm,” Clarke murmured back, her hands keen for as much of Lexa’s skin as possible.

“I’m sorry I upset you,” she said, “I can see why it upset you with how I said it. I’ll mess up again Clarke. I say stupid stuff in stupid ways. I am sorry though.”

“And I’m sorry I huffed and got drunk.”

“How drunk?”

“You can still sleep with me Lexa. We’re in a committed relationship and I’ve given prior permission, but thank you for checking. I’m truly only tipsy.”

“Well okay because I really want to touch you Clarke,” Lexa rolled her eyes. She stopped at the front door. “But before we go in,” she gave her a pointed look.

“Yeah?”

“Your hand is down my pants and as nice as that is, and it’s truly wonderful, let’s get to my room without it there,” Lexa gave her a grin as she moved her hand around her body until it was on her ass. She then pulled it out a little and bit her lip.

“Better?”

“No, but there’s people in there we’ve got to make it past,” and she pushed open the door. “Straight for my room,” she whispered in her ear, nipping at her lobe. Clarke’s whole body set alight. Whether it was a nerve ending linking her ear lobe with her groin, or merely anticipation Clarke suddenly needed Lexa and she needed her at once.

“I don’t care what you two say, you said not to let you do it until after midnight,” Raven blocked their way.

“We’re going in there Reyes and you can’t stop us,” Lexa stated boldly.

“You tell her Lex,” Clarke encouraged.

“Nope,” Raven crossed her arms blocking the doorway.

“Seriously Raven, get out of the way before I jump her in front of everyone here. I mean it, do not mess with me. I am drunk and I’m leaving tomorrow and I want to get it on with my girlfriend so move out of the way!” Clarke didn’t shout but she left no room for argument and was pleased to see Raven smirk then head back to Wick. “Get in there and get naked,” she ordered, slamming the door behind them and pulling her clothes off and throwing them around the room. “I want you to kiss me,” she sing songed looking at Lexa’s beautiful behind as she did her bidding and removed her clothes. Without hesitating she dropped to her knees and bit one beautiful buttock.

“Clarke,” she cried and swung around, expression shocked but eyes dark.

“I’m sorry,” she stared up at her with doe eyes aware that Lexa was naked and wet and right next to her lips. “It was there and it was bare, and oh so gorgeous. I couldn’t resist,” she flicked out her tongue and made contact with the wet warmth between Lexa’s legs, while she continued to look at her innocently. Lexa stared down at her, her breathing labored, her t-shirt half on and half off, her expression one of stunned disbelief, as if she didn’t quite understand what she’d done. Well that was no good. She leant forward slightly and ran her tongue through her, pleased when Lexa’s hands gripped her hair and the girl moaned. Clarke pulled back and they continued to stare at one another, clearly at an impasse as to the next move. Clarke knew it was hers, whether Lexa knew or even cared. Leaning forward she pressed her mouth firmly between Lexa’s legs, pulling her closer with hands on her thighs, loving each buck of her girlfriends hips, each moan, each whispered gasp. Lexa was beautiful and all hers and while she may not have a lot of experience with women, Clarke was quickly realizing that she absolutely loved making love to Lexa – the smell of her, the taste of her, the look of her, the noises she made. A string of muttered expletives, terms of endearment and nonsensical nothings poured from Lexa’s lips as she sank to the edge of the bed and Clarke moved between her knees.

Clarke knew when Lexa was about to come, it was so obvious, her breathing was labored and she’d started to thrust toward her and so she kissed harder, moved her mouth more definitively until Lexa cried out, the orgasm tearing through her so furiously that she gasped as she fell back on her bed slightly stunned.

“Well tipsy sex with you is good,” Lexa appraised at length, in a dead pan voice, sitting up to pull Clarke onto her, groaning when the wet slick between Clarkes legs hit her between hers.

“Good?” she muttered beginning to rock her hips, loving the feel of sliding against Lexa, knowing she wouldn’t have to do it for long, because she was so incredibly turned on. 

“The list if synonyms for good includes stupendous, wonderful, exceptional, superb...I mean fuck I think you made me black out,” she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she smiled, and gasped as Clarke rocked harder and faster, before she was moaning into Lexa’s ear and collapsing on top of her.

“Well it’s time to woman up Lex. One minute to midnight. You said you’d make me come when the ball dropped. You were early.”

“I’m up for a challenge,” Lexa laughed. 


End file.
